I’ve always been incredibly critical of how I look, rarely coming across a photo of myself that I like. But the photo of me at the top of this post is one that I love. Why? Because I see a strong, confident woman who just hiked solo to the top of a mountain. I don’t care what I weigh, what I’m wearing, what my hair looks like, or what I look like at all, for that matter. Because when a woman feels strong and empowered, the insecurities that we all have within us fade away. We can look in the mirror and see that there is so much more that makes us who we are besides our looks.
The Weight of Vanity
Growing up, looks were everything to me. My mom spent a small fortune seeing to it that I had the best wardrobe of any girl in school. I saw to it that I would be voted “Best Dressed” my senior year of high school. When I wasn’t out flaunting my latest look, I was in my closet putting together outfits or in front of my mirror coming up with new hairstyles. I had drawers and drawers full of makeup; every outfit called for a different look. I counted calories as if my life depended on it, and every few months my hair was cut and colored—only to return home from the salon and hear from my mom that “it’s not blonde enough, you need to go blonder next time.”
Looks weren’t only everything to me; they were everything to my parents. Vanity was what I knew, and because of my obsession with appearances, I figured I was destined for a career in the fashion industry.
A Ticket to a New World
Fast forward 18 years, and I guess you could call me a recovering “look-aholic.”
I pursued a career in fashion for a very short time, only to realize that the passion I assumed I had didn’t exist. Instead, I followed the passion that had been within me since well before I even knew what vanity was—photography—and moved to the Rocky Mountains to pursue it. I remember thinking my first few years in Colorado that no one here had any fashion sense. But the hiking pants and fleece attire that were so common eventually became my wardrobe as well.
Over time, the wilderness drew me in and taught me more about life than I ever could have imagined. The fleece and hiking pants were a ticket to a whole new world. A world where the color of my hair or the trendiness of my outfit wasn’t going to get me to the top of that mountain. Mountains, I learned, brought me joy for simply being alive. They didn’t care what I looked like, and neither did the equally sweaty, stinky people I passed on the trail.
Dropping the Shackles of Expectation
About ten years ago, Mark and I spent a weekend in a rustic cabin at a hot springs in the woods. The cabin had a bed, and that was it. We had to bring our own bedding and walk across the road to the bathhouse to shower and use the restroom. We had an incredible weekend, but what I took away most from that trip was that it was the first time I went days without looking in a mirror. There were no mirrors to look into.
And then I realized: I didn’t care.
In that moment, it was as if the shackles of society’s expectations of women had fallen off. I was 28 years old and had reached a turning point in my life. I’d just married a man who truly loved me no matter what, I lived in a place that valued life experience over looks and material possessions, and I’d learned that I didn’t have to look a certain way to feel good about who I was. I was so much more than what I looked like or what I wore.
Designing a Life I Love
I now live in a 100-square-foot RV, traveling the country with my husband and dog. Most of the time, I wear the same outfit, my hair is in a messy bun and hasn’t been washed in several days, and makeup is something I rarely even think about anymore. Yet, when I look at photos of our travels, I see a girl happier than she ever dreamed she could be. A girl who set out to discover what was truly important to her, no matter how unfashionable the answers were.
Seek Your Strength
I have a dream for young women, and it is this: seek your strength; seek your joy. Stop looking at anything that makes you feel like you’re not enough. Stop looking at the perfectly airbrushed celebrities and models on social media. Stop listening to anyone who makes you feel weak or mediocre. Stop analyzing yourself in the mirror and defining yourself by your looks. Turn off all the noise telling you to fit in with society’s expectations, and dig deep to figure out what really lights YOUR fire.
Surround yourself with people who want to feed that fire. Seek out women who empower other women to be confident and fearless. Women who make you want to be more, not women who make you feel like less.
You can surround yourself with people, places, and things that build you up or people, places, and things that break you down. Choose the former.
Be fearless in your pursuit of strength, meaning, and joy. And if you’re ever feeling really lost, let nature guide you. She’s always led me to clarity.
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