Let’s talk about marriage.
You know the saying “happy wife, happy life”? We hear it nearly every weekend (we photograph weddings for a living), it’s the go-to ending for every father’s toast. While that saying always gets a good laugh, it’s true. But that’s only half of the equation, it’s a happy marriage that makes a happy life.
In our 8 years of marriage and 14 years living together we’ve learned a thing or two about marriage and as an added bonus we’re business partners so we have 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to test the strength of our bond : )
I think the single most important thing I’ve learned so far is that marriage is a partnership. Sometimes 50/50, sometimes 70/30 or 30/70 but always, always a partnership. No matter how your opinions or interests may differ from your spouse, you should always whole-heartedly be their biggest fan. Their loudest cheerleader. While life may sometimes feel like it’s the two of you against the world, marriage should never feel like a battle against each other. I remember Mark telling me years ago about a conversation he had with a good friend that was on the brink of divorce. His friend said “every time we fight, she wins”. Mark’s sentiments were mine exactly, when in a disagreement with your spouse, no one should be going for the victory. One person scoring the “win” is a lose-lose for the marriage. Marriage is about finding harmony between two people so that together you may enjoy peace and happiness in life.
I often hear people say marriage is work. I’ve never felt like that is the right word. It shouldn’t feel like work. But it does takes constant nurturing and care, thoughtfulness and attention. A healthy, happy marriage means making your marriage top priority every single day. While you may not have the time to sit down together every night and hatch out your plans for the future or go on a play date every Saturday, the least you can do is take 30 seconds out of your day to stop and say to your spouse “I appreciate you”. While we may sometimes speak negative words that we wish we could take back, no one ever wishes they could take back the good stuff. No one ever gets sick of hearing that they’re loved and thought of.
Mark & I are always making our marriage and each other top priority and our lives thrive because of it. When there is friction between us we address it immediately because life’s simplest tasks become more difficult when we aren’t living in harmony. We believe marriage is one of life’s greatest adventures, an adventure that can feel like either a constant struggle or a perpetual win depending on how you approach the ride.
Our 14 years together is modest compared to many. Have you been married for one, two, three decades? There’s nothing I love more than hearing happy couples explain what makes their marriage flourish. Please chime in below, we’d love to hear from you!
27 years this August. The one before that, 10 years before relationship disaster struck… I was military and sent overseas for over a year, and she learned to live without me (helped by living with somebody else). The one before that, a year and a half. This time around, I found someone closer to my age that had lived through the same events and times that I had. It made a difference.
Happy 27th anniversary Ron!
Reading your post was like a mirror. We’ve been married 24 years and have worked together for 22 of those years. Agree that marriage is less about work and more about finding respectful balance. Nice post: thx.
Thanks for reading and congrats on 24 years!
We are both on our 2nd marriage. His first wife died of cancer after 25 years and I got a divorce after 8. This marriage has had its share of challenges as we approach our 13th years (and together for 16) but our key is understanding that if we felt it wasn’t working out, leaving would not be an answer, because our karma would just follow us. There is no one better out there, just a possibility of a better us. Staying present and open to what the other is saying and doing is what makes the biggest difference for us between flow and not flow. Communication is always the key and yes, as you said, really showing our appreciation for the other on a daily basis.
I couldn’t agree with you more!
What an absolutely wonderful post. We agree :-)!
Thank you and thanks for reading!
You guys are AWESOME!! 18 YEARS and loving every minute! Being married to your best friend can’t be beat!! I feel blessed everyday. I am so thankful we found each other! LOVE YOU GUYS!
You do not look old enough to have been married for 18 years, that’s nuts! 🙂
47 years, tent campers till this summer when we picked up our 4 Wheel Camper, wandered for nearly 3 weeks and never turned on the radio. We talked the whole time. We couldn’t agree more with you. Sharing 1 heart, and as our daughter says ” You two share 1 Brain”.
Congrats on your FWC purchase! We hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoy ours!
34 years of adventure with my best friend. I remember that August day back in 1982, the day there was a knock on my door. I answered and there stood a healthy, fit young woman with long blonde hair. She was very direct, “Hi, I’m the new school teacher in town. I want to go hiking and everybody says to talk to you. Will you take me hiking?” We have been taking each other hiking now for 34 years.
That’s such a great story! Cheers to 34 years! We look forward to being able to look back on 34 years together. May you continue to adventure together for many years to come.