How comparison robs us of the ability to be content

Our mobile lifestyle brings us face to face with a wide variety of people, communities, and cultures and I love seeing how other people live.  What we outwardly display with our possessions is a statement of what’s important to us as individuals.  And each and every individual has their unique set of priorities.  But how often are those priorities—the things we choose to devote our time to and spend our money on—influenced by those around us?  And how much is our ability to be content with our life impacted by that influence?

Right now I sit and type this from inside one of our two tiny homes on wheels.  This particular home on wheels is a twenty-year-old travel trailer that we have modified to be a cozy and functional tiny home that has everything we need.  For months on end we leave the travel trailer behind so that we can go on more rugged adventures in our truck camper— our tinier home on wheels.  Those adventures take us to Mexico where we experience a different kind of living condition than what we’re used to here in the US.  Homes with thatched roofs, dirt floors, and no indoor plumbing are not uncommon.  When we return from a trip to Mexico, I’m reminded of all the luxuries we have in our travel trailer and I’m filled with gratitude for it.  It may be tiny but it is a safe, comfortable space with everything we need.  Rarely do I want for much more.  

Every year, once we settle back into life in the US, my perspective towards our living space slowly changes, and I begin to feel lack and envy.  Life in the US means seeing huge houses and new cars everywhere you go.  And everywhere you turn are advertisements to buy new houses and new cars and stuff for your house among a plethora of other things you never knew you needed.  It’s a culture that breeds a feeling of lack in order to get us to buy more stuff.  We feel inferior or jealous next to our friend or neighbor who appears to be doing so well in life because he has a brand-new car every couple of years.  Even though Brand New Car Guy may be overextending himself to try and keep up with the co-worker that has an even nicer car because the bar has no limit to how high it can be set.

This is the trap we inevitably end up in when we compare ourselves to others.  The desire to be content with the life we lead is a commonality most humans share.  But as long as we’re caught up in worrying what other people think of us, as long as status is a driving force of our decisions, contentment will forever be elusive.  Contentment comes from being happy with what we have, no matter what your friends have, no matter how your life may be perceived by others.  

There’s a stigma that comes with living in a trailer that I carry around in my subconscious.  Do people pity us or think we’re losers or slackers or drug addicts?  The thought of it makes my ego wince.  But it all comes down to that…ego…sprinkled with some unavoidable indoctrination.  I love my life and I love my home.  Choosing to live with less and prioritizing being debt-free has afforded us more freedom than many Americans could ever imagine.  It has shown me that I can be happy with so little.  It has allowed me to feel more secure in times of uncertainty.  But opting out of the comparison trap is required in order to get there.  I still fall prey to it.  It’s so easy to do.  Being clear on my values and priorities is what releases me and returns me to gratitude.  

If no one was watching, if no one had an opinion, if our culture didn’t equate appearances with success, how might you live your life differently?  The ability to experience true contentment may lie in the answers.

“Unless one is unconcerned by other people’s judgments, has no fear of being disliked by other people, and pays the cost that one might never be recognized, one will never be able to follow through on one’s own way of living.  That is to say, one will not be able to be free.”
-from the book The Courage to be Disliked