Like going to college, getting married, buying a house, and working a 9-5 job, having kids is not mandatory. In fact, the decision not to have kids is a respectable one. Not because having kids is bad—not at all—but because not having kids goes directly against societal expectations.
From a young age, you’ll be given advice and input about “when you’re a mom/dad…” or “when you have kids…” as though having kids is set in stone. I remember being in high school, thinking I would eventually marry my high school boyfriend and go on to start a family, only to reach my early twenties a few short years later and realize: I don’t want to have kids.
My daydream was simply a result of not realizing how many directions I could take my life in as an adult. Once I began to see all the possibilities for the life that lay before me, it became clear that kids were not part of that picture.
The Weight of External Opinions
But this is not a decision that can be made without hearing the opinions of many—family and strangers alike. The decision to have children, in my opinion, may be the biggest decision you make in your entire life. Yet, it astonishes me how many people will try to influence you otherwise if you decide against it.
I’m 37 years old, and I know in my heart of hearts that I was not put on this planet to be a mother; my body was not made to give birth. But that steadfast belief has been tested so many times. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t question myself over the years. The number of people who have told me I’ll change my mind, or who have flat-out gotten uncomfortable at my response of “No, I don’t have kids” and “No, I don’t plan to have kids,” has made me feel like an outcast. They’ve made me wonder if I’m missing something.
Furthermore, they’ve made me fear that I’ll wake up at the age of 40, my biological clock (whatever that is) will finally start ticking, and I’ll freak out that all of a sudden I need to have kids. But the closer I get to that age, the more comfortable I become in my choice. A choice I’ve not taken lightly, but a choice that is mine nonetheless.
Your Path is Yours to Decide
You don’t have to have children. No matter how taboo that may seem to your friends or how upsetting that may be to your parents, it is just as much your right not to have kids as it is your right to have kids.
As much as we’ve been led to believe otherwise, there is no template for life. Your path through life is not predetermined; it is wholeheartedly yours to decide. The pressure of society may be heavy at times, but at the end of the day, it is only YOU who will live with the choices you’ve made. It is only YOU who can figure out what makes you happy and what makes you thrive.
I have finally passed the point in my life of letting people make me feel bad for not wanting to have kids, and I decided to write this because I now know that no one should feel bad for that decision. My younger self would have been so grateful for more confidence, more empowerment, and fewer expectations. Life is hard enough to navigate for ourselves—shouldn’t we be allowed to question if we want to take on that responsibility for a whole other life?
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